Wait... What?!

 Friend:  You should write a blog post.

Me: Wait!....  What?!

The Fine Print: funny thing, I mocked up two blog posts a couple of months ago but that's all the further I got, cuz "stuff."  I made this whole passel of cards in one sitting.  It was fun.  You should try it. It's Stampin Up stuff. 

Shorts Weather

In the interest of actually writing in my blog this year, I'm posting this fabulous post filled with letters that form words, along with words that form sentences.

I don't actually have a damn thing to say, which while that never stopped me from posting in the past, certainly has kept me away these past months.

I thought I'd share these wonderful beachy shorts that would be perfect for the weather in my office today, which topped out at a balmy 82-degrees.  Apparently there is an air handler problem... So if you plan to come to college today, bring your shorts! Never fear if you forgot yours, I have plenty for everyone.

The Fine Print: Any bets on if I wear shorts tomorrow it will be 62-degrees in here? Shorts by DeNami Designs, paper pad called Bahama Mama.

It is Monday.

There I was making lunch to take to work this morning when Cindy came up and sat by my feet. We had the following conversation:

Me: Why are you here?

Cindy: Why are any of us here?

Me: Oh, is it existential crisis day?

Cindy: It is Monday. 

 And indeed it is.

The Fine Print: Fishies by Lawn Fawn. Existential Crisis brought to you by Monday.

Inking of You

So back in the days when I was still driving my truck.... before some kid in his daddy's Beemer crossed over the center lane and murdered my baby, which I then replaced with the top of the line all the bells and whistles and ridiculous features car that was was then brutally murdered by a red light runner when it was but a baby so I replaced that with a year old not quite top of the line car without some bells and some whistles and no ridiculous features that got into a fender bender thing when it was just a toddler....yeah, before all that... so anyway I was driving my truck along and a firetruck, you know those huge red things with all the ladders and buff men in big coats hanging off of it, came zooming up the street behind me with all of its bells and whistles and flashing lights and screaming sirens on, so I pulled over.

Right? I pulled over just like you are taught to do when an emergency vehicle with its lights and sirens on shares a road with you, except for the road had had a curb so I pulled over as far as I could. Anyhow Bibsy in the car behind me either didn't get the memo or was too busy texting, painting her nails and waxing her bikini line and almost plowed into me. She was so affronted by my actions that she laid on her horn and whipped the wheel of car to zig zag around me.

Only she pulled into the lane the firetruck was in causing him to veer around her and he laid on his horn.....

BBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNK!

as only a firetruck can.


And she slammed her car hard over into the curb at the side of the road.  It was a thing of beauty.  Her waxed bikini line? Not so much.

The Fine Print: That's all really. Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about y'all. Stamps by Amuse. Yeah, I'm still alive. So what?!

Merry Holidays

It's getting all kinds of festive here in my office.

The Fine Print: It's fine. It's totally fine here. Everything's fine. Nope, that twitch is perfectly normal. It's fine. We're all fine. This is the finest fine you'll every see. 

Queen of the Hive

Sometimes I break out in a rash, and by "rash" I mean hives, and by "hives" I mean one.

One hive.

Like just one lone bump that is insanely itchy. One might be persuaded to call that a bug bite, but they'd be wrong.

Seriously, I'm just too lazy to make more than one itchy bump at a time.

#EczemaRules #NOT!

The Fine Print: Stamp by Copperleaf, wee little bees by Recollections. Rash by Nature, who is a mother. 

Pucker Up!

*kiss*kiss*

So good to see you again. Blogger recently asked me if I was around and intended to use my blog anymore. I thought, of course I am still around.... Gee, maybe I'd better inform my readers (all 6 of you) that I am still alive and kicking and employed.

See, Dio told you a story about how at my work they were giving out boxes (a very desirable commodity if you are a cat) and telling you to go home. That wasn't fiction; they truly are doing that. So far they haven't done that to me. And that's good because I'd need more than one box and a dolly and I'd have to get on our elevator which is scary even on good days.  So not only am I still here (Blogger), I am still here (my job). I've said goodbye to a number of coworkers including my boss. Being bossless was scary (almost as scary as that elevator) because my job title says I'm suppose to support someone and if there is no someone... why have me?  Oh! Because I'm cool, that's why!

They stole me a boss from another job site though so it's all good now. She's in charge of all sorts of things I haven't dealt with before so I'm learning all sorts of new stuff, including that being the go-to person for years for answers on what do know about is paying off as I know can ask for info in return and be happily given it.

Me, being supportive.

The Fine Print: Mousie stamp by Stampabilities or whoever was in charge of House Mouse at the time I bought it. Smile from my stash. And if I'm given a box right after I post this.... I'm blaming y'all! 

Surf or Die

Hi! My name is Dio and you might remembers me from previous blogging posts. Well, I'm here to tell you that my moms has been rilly rilly bizzie doing stoopid stuff, like not petting me! Can you beeleeve that wood happen?!

Well, sumtimez my moms goes to werk. You know what they are doing at her werk lately? They gibe you a cardboard box and tell you to go home.

I KNOW, RIGHT?!!!!!

Can you beeleeve that? Your very own cardboard box!!!! And you git to go home!!! How nice is that?!!

Sumhowz my moms doezn't think that is very nice. She sayz she has werked there for a bazillion years, like moor than I am old, but I'm not berry old, and she has sum cardboard boxes of her own at home already.

Anywayz, it is summers time now and that means you should go surfing! Surf or die! Surf or die! Here's a kitty cat and he is surfing.

Here's my moms and dads. They are dying.

The Fine Prints: kitty stamp by Pennys Black, weird exercise called Glide Fit and it makes you rilly rilly seesicks. Luv ya! -Dio

Keep Your Important Things Close

Yeah, so I'm not dead yet, big deal. I have a story to tell you!

I have a cell phone now after a good decade of cell phone avoidance. I'm not a big fan of carrying it with me everywhere. I feel stupid. Like there is no one I want to talk to so much that I need to carry a phone around waiting on them, especially when I'm at work.

I pointed that out to a coworker and she said, "Yeah, but your phone is like a mini-computer and it's expensive so you don't want to leave that in your office where someone could snatch it."

Based on that logic, the next time I have a stamp shindig after work you might catch me on campus carrying around a Big Shot all day.  That thing cost more than my phone and I'd really hate for someone to snatch it!

The Fine Print: Not that they'd know what to do with it... Stamps by Stampin' Up. Catch ya later! Peace, love, and die cutting. j

Starving Children in Africa

I found myself dissecting a rotisserie chicken  to the Nth degree like I was an apocalypse survivor or perhaps a contestant on Naked and Afraid.  After I caught myself and had a good laugh I went back to blissfully wasting food, telling myself it isn't like there were starving children from Africa around.

That got me thinking the first time that line got used on me. It came from my paternal grandfather. You have to know that he was the head of his household and he served. Everyone sat down, said grace, and then he picked up a platter and filled it. You got the plate he filled for you.

You can bet that as a giant of a man used to a lifetime of manual labor, he put much more food on the plate than your average suburban kid needed. I remember my mom trying to curb his enthusiasm for piling our plates full. I also remember the withering slit eyed stare he gave her in return.

Anyway, there I was not cleaning my plate, which may be attributed to the massive quantities of food on it or it may be attributed to the fact that my grandmother insisted on making some mystery "relish salad" every meal. It was pink and lumpy and not something I would associate with food. My grandfather admonished me to clear my plate because there were starving children in Africa.

That stopped me in my tracks. I had to ponder that one. It did not compute. It went against all the other kid admonishments that I heard every day. You know, the ones about share your toys, help the less fortunate, blah, blah, blah...  But this... Now you're saying I have food and some kid doesn't, so I should eat mine up real fast????  It didn't seem real Christian.

Anyway, that's childhood for ya, filled with contradictory messages. And just so you know, I did clear my plate today. Twice. I did not share with any starving African children, but I did give some to a Siamese cat that was almost on death's door from hunger (or so she says).

The Fine Print: Stamp by Stampin' Up.

I am a Lamp

I just got over a cold. Now I have asthma. This happens every spring, probably because I'm allergic to yellow and spring is full of yellow.

Anyhow, given the lack of oxygen situation, I decided for a career change. I'm gonna be a lamp for awhile. No breathing required.

The Fine Print: Stamps by Taylored Expressions, DSP and ribbon by Stampin' Up.

You've Cat to be Kitten Me!

So my name is Dio and Im the Guest Columnist today. My gurlfurend had a babie. So now sumtimez I gotta babie sit. I lurned that dozn't mean you get to sit ON the babie. Dat's too bad cuz the babie is nice and warm. And soft.

I also lurned that wen the babie cries, you go and get the babies mom. You find her and say, "Hey ladie, your babie is crying."

And here's a card my mom's furend sented her. That furend haz the bestest cat stamps. Well, my mom haz the bestest cats! Uh huh.

The Fine Print: Stamps by Art Impression. 

Dream Big

So last night I was trying to wake myself up enough to ask my husband to please pass the hole punch that was on his side of the bed. Once I was awake enough to actually form the words, I realized that I was not crafting. That said, I did lean over him and check to see if he was hoarding craft supplies on his side of the bed though.  He was not.

The Fine Print: Bra die by MFT, greeting by Hero Arts.

The First 3 Letters Spell 'DIE'

Since I've been asked multiple times if I'm dead or not, I thought I'd respond to let you know that I'm not dead, but things were touch and go there for awhile.

A few weeks or so ago I went through a spate were I was really tired all the time. I'd wake up tired, I'd go to bed tired, I'd spend all day tired... and I wasn't just tired, I was exhausted.

I mentioned it to a coworker of mine who keeps track of what I'm doing (someone has to) and she said she noticed I'd been eating less and she had a theory on all my tiredness: You're spending more energy each day than you are taking in.

So I just looked at her for a long time before muttering that she had obviously had no idea how diets work.*

In fact, I know she doesn't understand how diets work because her idea of a diet is to Google some celebrity name and eat whatever fad diet they are pushing that day. You know, like the cabbage soup diet for heart patients or the 6-apples-a-day-and-all-the-apple-juice-you-can-drink-diet, only if you don't actually have cabbage or apples in your house you can substitute Snickers bars and Oreo cookies.

Anyway, I'm not dead and I got over the 24/7 tiredness except for today. Today I am tired. I went to bed tired and I woke up tired and I even dreamed that I was tired! In my dream, I woke up tired and went to work anyway because if I didn't I couldn't go swimming after work and then that's exactly what happened. Well, almost.. I mean I'm still at work so I haven't gone swimming yet, but that's the plan.

Oh yeah, here's a card, cuz this is a card blog:

The Fine Print: *Yes, it's true, there is 19 less pounds of me than there used to be. Also, I'm tired today because I went to a stamp convention yesterday and it was awesome! But I was ON all morning and ON all afternoon and ON most of the evening and as a introvert all that ON is tiring. Leafy stamp by Stampin' Up and has been languishing in my pending file for however long it has been since I haven't posted it. I might post more unless I die because I fell asleep swimming, but either way don't hold your breath because I'm not, not even when I go swimming because I don't really swim when I'm swimming.

Just Like Falling Snow

This morning when putting on socks I suddenly noticed something tan and foreign looking on the bottom of sock. Fearing the worst, I started hopping up and down on one leg. I have this newly gimpy knee that sometimes does not wish to straighten and other times does not wish to bend. I finally crashed onto the bed saving me the embarrassment of being tossed to the ground by an unruly knee. I managed to twist my leg around so I could get a good look at what was on the bottom of my sock: HAINES embroidered in gold.

Yep, I about killed myself over a logo.

And on that note, let's talk about snow covered Christmas cards, like the one below for Merry Monday. This was made with the freebies from one of those overseas crafting magazines and some Stampin' Up ribbon. This brings my card total up to 12 because I never finished last week's card but there is still hope as the parts are on my desk. It could happen, sometime before May even.

The Fine Print: But don't hold your breath. 

Merry Moose

Time for another Merry Monday challenge to keep on top of those Christmas cards. This week the challenge is to use glasses.

Now I have to admit that as soon as I heard that I thought eye glasses not drinking ones, even though there are champagne flutes right there in the inspiration photo. Then I looked at the samples and realized most folks took it to mean drinking glasses, but a few rebellious ones went for eyeglasses.

I was afraid that I would be stymied either way but then I remember my fabulous moose and his hipster glasses and this card was born. I gave myself bonus points for using up that evergreen card topper from my stash. 

The Fine Print: Fabulous moose from the Visions of Santa set by Stampin' Up. 11 cards made so far!  

Turning Over a New Leaf

So... let me tell you how holiday card making went in 2017.

Not well. Not well at all. I tried. I just could not get into it. Then the zero hour hit and I panicked. I had some cards made but not enough. I pulled out all the cards I could find. You know, those weird experimental cards that didn't turn out right, or the ones you tried some new technique, or the ones you made on flimsy cardstock.... yeah, those. Plus I pulled out leftover cards from kits, cards from workshops, cards I kept for inspiration, and any card that was slightly winter-y or Christmas-y.

That has left me with absolutely nothing in my Christmas card stash, not even dead pine needles. So in order to have cards (hopefully enough cards even!) I'm turning over a new leaf (or evergreen bough as the case may be) and am going to pay close attention to Merry Monday again this year.

This week brings us EMBOSSING as the prompt. Thank the heavens that they allow either heat embossing or dry embossing. I don't like heat embossing so I pulled out some embossing folders and went to town.

Not that you can even see it on this card, but there are snowflakes in the background of this card. There is one large one (with bling in the middle) and several smaller ones. This was a rather traditional but bland card so I tried again:

This one has a quirky triangle background that I really liked. I kept the rest of the card simple because... well, because I don't really know how to make non-simple cards anymore.

That's it for this week. No telling if I can make a card every week and play along because I don't have much stamping time but I'll do my best.  These 2 cards bring my total up to 10 for the year (yep, I made a few random other cards over my holiday break). We're on a roll!

The Fine Print: Yes, I know I need to work on my photography skills. I'll add that to my to-do list right after 'learn to balance on one leg.' Stamps by Stampin Up, folders by SU and Cuttlebug.

Morning Coffee

So did you stay up late last night to ring in the new year? I did. Me and the cats, we partied. And by partied I mean they hid under furniture while I told them that wasn't really gunfire or an artillery assault.

Charles was convinced it was the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. I may not have discouraged that idea...

Anyway, since we stayed up so late (at least THREE HOURS past my bedtime), we needed coffee in the morning.

The Fine Print: So I found out how to avoid those dark dreary mornings... sleep in until the sun is high in the sky. Stamps, dies, and DSP from SU.

Stealing My Thunders

Hi, my name is Charles and I'm busy keeping watch for Santa Claus now.  See, I gotta set him straight on something that happened today.

My mom dropped her water bottle lid and it bounced off her foot and disappeared. She said, "Oh no, Charles, Help me!" So I crawled around on the floor with her and we looked and looked for the lid but it was gone.

I told my mom a idea I had, "Get the stick, Mom! Get the Stick! The stick! The stick!" and I ran down the hall to where the stick lives in the closet. Mom got the stick out and then she fished around under the stove. I helped her move the stick so it would right. Just when the lid was about to come out from under the stove my little brother, Dio, reached in and grabbed it with his paw and gave it to her.

"Thank you, Dio!" she squealed, "You are the best cat ever!"

Now he's all saying that Santa is bringing him all the presents and none for me. That's not right! I did all the work. I crawled on the floor and I told my to get the stick and I helped her use the stick. Dio just took all the credit. Well, so I have to tell Santa how it really went down.

I hope your Christmas is merry!

The Fine Print: The stick is a yardstick bought for the express purpose of fishing cat toys out from under things. I got it from the hardware store. They keep them in the locked cage with the drills and other expensive tools because a good yardstick is worth its weight in gold. Happy holidays!

Retro Christmas

I started this post near the end of November with the intention of linking it with the latest Rudolph post, but then there was a shiny thing and I got distracted....

I figured out my problem...  I guess I should explain that a little better in that I figured out one of the many, many, many problems I have. This one won't solve world hunger or even my own hunger, but at least I "get it" a little better. "It" being why I can't make Christmas cards this year.

This has been a year-long problem and I don't get what is blocking me. Many people say that it's the heat and yeah Christmas and 92 F don't really go together even here in Southern Arizona but it isn't like I'm sitting out in a splash of sunshine trying to make cards. My craft room is the coldest room in the house and it has long since been woolen undies, mittens and hot cocoa weather in there.

This weekend it hit me that it was over abundance of holiday crap craft stuff that makes me stop in my tracks when it comes to making Christmas cards. I have drawers and boxes and bins of stamps, a good 3 pounds of holiday DSP, enough holiday embellishments to open a booth at the fair, a garbage bag full of ribbon, an insane amount of holiday punches and dies and so many wonderful complicated ideas swirling around in my head it is no reason I put it all away and go back to reading my book.

So, anyway, I pulled out limited supplies and made these cards. So yeah, sometimes less IS more. And other times more is not enough. Happy Christmas card making!

The Fine Print: Stamps by Stampin' Up, papers and random embellishments from my copious stash (which isn't so copious now that I took a bunch of it to share at a holiday card making crop).