Defense Lawyer: Ms. Witness, what was your reaction when you found your husband's nude and dismembered body hog tied on the kitchen island and drained of blood?
Ms. Witness: I was in shock.
Lawyer. I see. Ms. Witness, are you perhaps a doctor, a nurse, or an emergency medical technician?
Lawyer: Just answer the question.
Witness: Um. No. I'm a housewife?
Lawyer: So you tell us that you are not a medical professional yet you've just diagnosed yourself as being in a medical state of being. You do realized that "shock" involves the circulatory system and is characterized by pallor, sweating, weak pulse, and very low blood pressure and can only be offiically diagnosed by a trained medical professional, yet you want us to believe that you, a lowly housewife, can just magically call upon some unbeknownst medical knowledge and say that you were in shock?! If you are willing to lie to us about your state of being, we can't believe anything you say!!!!
Bring it on home!
Those lawyers really need to glad they don't have me on their witness stand. Because I'd be all:
Judy: Booya yourself, Bugaboo! Since I am a layman I was obviously using the layman's definition of shock. Someone bring me a dictionary, better yet, whip open your smart phones and go to dictionary.com and someone read me all the definitions of "shock."
Oh, and while we're at it, could someone get the defense lawyer a piece of dental floss? That's shit's gross.
The Fine Print: I realize this has nothing to do with anything, but you read it, didn't you? Turkey by Hooks. Lines and Inkers.