What I Want from My Phone

I admit it, I'm a simple girl. What I want most from my telephone is it to work. It is that simple. I do not need it to be portable. I do not need it to tell me who is calling before I pick up. I do not need it to give me conference calling. I do not need it to tell me there is a call on the other line when I am using it. I do not need it to also be able to surf the web, email my friends, or post twitter statuses. I do not need it to have different ring tones. I rarely want it to ring as it is! (The outcome of answering a phone for a living). I do not need it to take pictures. I do not need it to tell me the time or what time zone I am in.  I do not need it to tell me the weather outside.  I do not need it to send text messages to friends, family, or even complete strangers. I do not need it to send me reminders. I do not need it to play me movies or to download filthy pictures.

I'm actually now trying to figure out what I do need it for. Oh! To order pizza and set up appointments with the massage therapist.  I knew I paid for that thing for a reason.  I suppose normal people would also say they like to keep in touch with family and friends.  Let's just end that line of thought by my saying that I'm not normal.

My phone is attached with two cords. One goes into the wall and the other goes from the phone base to the handset.  Yep, it is true. I do not even need my phone to be wireless!  Sometime remind me to tell you the story of how in our youth when my little bro and I were bored we would use my parent's cordless phone to spy on all the neighbors' phone conversations. 

I do kind of like the voice mail feature so I can know who has been trying to get in touch with me and why, but that doesn't mean I'll act on any of these messages.  It does make me wonder who designed voice mail.  My voice mail at work always tells me how many unread messages there are. There is no way to read them so what the heck?  My voice mail system at home asks me, after I've logged in, if I'd like to hear my messages.  What? Does it think I just logged in for grins and giggles?  Of course I want to hear them, you nitwit.  That is such an unnecessary step. I also have no clue how to log out of it properly but hanging up on it seems to work.

The Fine Print: Stamps by A Muse Studio, but they are retired now, like I sort of wish I was at this very moment in time.