Pilot to Bombardier

I had this fevered dream the other night.  Joe and I were having Charles fitted for a little helmet.  It was really cute.  It was made out of brown leather and had holes for his ears to stick through and a little chin strap.  It looked more like an old fashioned pilot's helmet than the kind you put on kids who fall down a lot and run headlong into walls.  That's the kind of kid Charles is but I guess we were being fashion conscious.

The Fine Print: Crazy cat stamp by PSX, faux brad by Stampin' Up, designer paper from a pal, dies by Spellbinders, crazy cat cat brought to you by God and Joe (a powerful duo, there).

Quack!

That is all, folks, move along now.

The Fine Print: Stamp by Stampin' Up Wonderful Winterland, paper by DCWV, ribbon from A Muse Studio, brads by the one lone company who used to make matte brads (Limited Edition???).

Bah!

I'm sick again! This is the second holiday in a row.  I feel picked on. And snotty.  And cranky.  And really, really hot, but that's just right now.  Earlier I was feeling as cold as these guys.

The Fine Print: Stamp by Inky Antics, paper by DCWV, ribbon from DeNami and bad attitude brought to you by germs, evil smelly germs.

Drained...

While I was taking a shower this morning I thought of some silly winter-themed story I could write about to go with today's picture.  However, I failed to grasp firmly on it and it slipped away and got washed down the drain.  It happens.

I liked this card so much that I turned around and made several duplicates of it, including one on a different pink and blue background.  I've been trying to use of some of these pre-cut winter themed papers I have lying around.  The pile seems to grow instead of shrink.  I was also proud of myself for putting a flower on this card.  I have a million zillion of those flowers.  There was a time when I didn't consider a card complete without one or more flowers on it.  Now the many jars of flowers I have just sit there gathering dust.

The Fine Print: Greeting stamp by Hero Arts, image stamp by Stampin' Up "Winder Wonderland," flower by Prima, designer paper by DCWV, circle punch by EK Success.

And So It Begins

Christmas is barely in the past and my crafting friends are already talking about Christmas cards for next year.  Mostly it is because they had regrets over this year (didn't make any, didn't make enough, was too rushed to enjoy it, etc.) and want to do better next year.

There are blog challenges that run all year long and are Christmas themed so you can follow along and then have a pile of cards by the end of the year, there are personal resolutions and goals to make X amount each week or each month, and there are groups of friends who are challenging each other to different things to get cards created throughout the year.

I sort of think I'd like to be part of this group of people who gets them done early and doesn't have to rush during the holidays.  I don't think I'm that dedicated though.  I mean, who can make cards in July when its 108 outside and the asphalt is melting?  Who are these people? What magic do they possess that makes them able to do this?  I think I want to know.  I'm not necessarily sure I want to do it, but I'd like to know, you know.

Meanwhile, there has been this leftover piece of red and green designer paper that got abandoned on my desk.  It wasn't big enough for a whole card background and it had already been left out of the Christmas paper bin.  I felt bad for it as it was probably destined for the trash, but then I got motivated and decided to show up all those talkers with action and I made a Christmas card for 2014.

Read it and weep.

The Fine Print: I'm going to link up with Di's Playground for Snippets since that is what inspired this card.  The stamp is by Stampin' Up "Greeting Card Kids," pre-made card base by DCWV, dies by Spellbinders.  One down, only 79 more to go!

I'm a Little Heater, Short and Squat

You know those space heaters that are squat rectangular metal things?  They have heating coils that glow orange/red and  fan to blow the hot air out at you.  They have a safety feature where if you tilt or knock one over they immediately quit blowing and making heat.  That way you don't burn everything down.

Anyway, I think I'm related to those types of heaters because as soon as you lay me down, I quit making heat.  I'll be warm, or warm enough until I go to bed but as soon as I tilt over I immediately become so shivery cold. 

It's hard to fall asleep when you are shivery cold.  I'll put on big thick socks and a knit cap and huddle up and shiver until I can get warm again.  Sometimes I get warm right away and other times it takes a long time.  Except for being related to those space heaters, I have no idea why this happens.

Once I warm up though, I'm good.  And I warm up immediately.  It is like one minute shivering and the next I'm okay.  Then I fall asleep.  Then later I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder why my feet are so hot and what the heck is all cockeyed on my head.

The Fine Print: One last Christmas card to show off. I made this one at a class so I don't know who made the background stamp.  If I had to guess I'd say Hero Arts because many of the other things we used in that class were Hero Arts.  Snowflake die by A Muse Studio.  I hope yours was a good one.

A Christmas Poem for Workdesk Wednesday

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the desk
Nothing was happening, not even a mess.
The stockings were hung on the closed door with care.
In hopes that Sir Timmy soon would be there.

The kitties were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of cat nip danced in their heads.
Me in my jammies and again with my cap,
Had just settled in for a long winter's nap.

When out in the cactus patch there arose such a clatter,
I sprung from my bed to see what's the matter.
Away to the window I flew like in a flash,
Tore open the blinds with a bang and a crash.

The moon was so bright, that what did it show?
"Hey check this out!" I yelled over to Joe.
What to our wondering eyes should appear
But someone special who made my heart cheer.

It was a spry kicky man so lively and trim
I knew in a moment it must be Sir Tim!
More rapid than quick-dry glue his products they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name!

Now Core'dinations! And Grungeboard! and Ranger!
Truly, even you can do this without any danger!
With Movers and Shapers! And you, Vagabond!
"But it's past my bedtime!" I said as I yawned.

"C'mon," yelled Tim, "We haven't all day...
I have fun things, you'll so want to play!"
So into my house these products they flew
It was a box full of toys, and Sir Tim too

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work
And filled all the stockings and turned with a smirk.
"I forgive you for being so terribly naughty."
Said Tim as he drove off in his red Maserati.

I looked and I loved all my new lovely toys
That made my heart sing with such wondrous joys.
I don't have enough room, I sighed at my plight!
But Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!

The Fine Print: Special Thanks to Clement Clarke Moore, but seriously dude, next time write a shorter poem.  And be sure to check out Julia's What's On Your Workdesk Wednesday to see what other crafter's are up to this fine holiday.

Mean Nasty Old Lady

The other day I was hanging out in my craft room which also doubles as our living room and the cats' dormitory.  I was trying to do my thing but I kept getting interrupted by cats.

"Pet me, mom!"
"No! Pet me!"
"I was here first, pet me!"
"Lookit me! I can dance on top of the bookcase!"
"Pet me!"
"Hey! I need to sit right here on your desk"
"Well I  need to sit on your lap"
"Lookit me! I can fly!  Whoops! I meant to do that."
"Mom, can I have a treat?"
"A treat!"
"Treat!"
"Meeeee!  I want!"
"Pet me and then treats!"
"Wait, I didn't get treats!"

So I stood up and announced loudly, "Who wants to go to the veterinarian?!" and suddenly there were no more cats in my living room.  I'm such a mean, nasty, old lady.

The Fine Print: Nose by Charles.  Owls by Hero Arts. 

Nighty Night

I went to bed at 8 p.m. last night which did not meet with approval from my housemates, which is kind of surprising considering 4 of my housemates are cats.  Cats usually jump on the opportunity to lay around and snooze, but this time they jumped on me.  And pounced my feet.  And stuck their faces in my face. And played fight and bite with each other on top of me.

My hubby didn't want me to go to bed then either because he was sure I'd be awake at 4 a.m. and want to go dancing.  What is wrong with that man?  I never want to go dancing.  He was right that I was awake at some random time in the middle of the night.  It wasn't because I was done with sleeping, oh no.  It was because I was staring at the ceiling, puzzling at the odd noises coming from there.  It turns out it was this very rare phenomena called "rain."

The Fine Print: Stamps and ribbon by DeNami Designs.  I suppose I should come clean and tell you that I didn't get out of bed until 8 a.m. What a bum!

New and Improved

I think most of us hate it when things go "new and improved" on us.  I know I do because for some reason they feel compelled to "new and improve" things that weren't messed up to start with, thus taking something that was good and decent and turning it into a pile of dung.

Take the Joann's craft stores in our town.  They were good and decent places to shop.  But then they "new and improved" both of them.  The one store got remodeled and the other moved to a new location up the street.  We excitedly awaited their "new and improved"-ess wondering what they could improve on since it was so good and decent to start with.  We had grand visions.

You know where this is going though, right?  Yep.  They opened them both back up and they sucked.  We were horribly disappointed.  Gone were the sizable paper crafting sections and in their place were a couple of aisles of lackluster scrapbook items.  So much for "new and improved."  Joann chased her scrapbook/paper craft people off and didn't even yell, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

Hey, but did you hear?  We have a Hobby Lobby in town, so screw you, Joann.  We don't need the likes of you.

The Fine Print: Stamp by Elzybells/A Muse Artstamps, papers by DCWV bought at one of the crappy Joann's because hey they acknowledged the holidays but getting in a dozen Christmas paper stacks for us to fight over but that's it.

The 4:44 Hang Up Call

Where I work we used to wrap up our work day at 4:45 pm.   Yeah, I know that's a ridiculous time but I didn't make the rules; I just followed them.  It coincided with our 37.5 hour work week, which apparently is/was a community college thing.

Anyway, every day at about 4:44 someone would call me at my desk, wait for me to answer, and then hang up.  We had these old clunky multi-line phones without any caller ID display so I couldn't tell if the call was internal or external or what number it came from.

I was pretty darn sure it was an internal call from someone checking to see if I were still at my desk or if I had snuck out early.  Once and while I would even answer the phone, "Yes, I'm still here."  And of course, they would immediately hang up.  I had my suspicions on who it was but could never confirm or deny those.  I told anyone who would listen about my mysterious 4:44 pm caller and my suspicions on why they were calling, but the calls never stopped.

Then one day our phone system got upgraded to a shiny new system that included caller ID.  The calls immediately stopped.  So yeah, it was totally internal.

The Fine Print: Christmas card.... I made 'em with products from places.  Yeah, that's all I got because I'm at my desk working right now.  Go ahead, call and check.

The Elf on a Shelf

I thought I'd jump onto the Elf on a Shelf bandwagon and get me one of those little guys to keep everyone in this household in line.  So far, he's not very intimidating.

The Fine Print: I suspect that Elf will not last until Christmas.  It is just a sneaking suspicion I have.

Baby's Birthday Party

I was maybe 6 or 7 when I went to Baby's birthday party with my little friends Leslie and Marna.  I wasn't actually friends with Baby, but Marna was.  I think Baby might have been new to the scene as several little girls who were friends of friends were invited. 

Baby's mother seemed to be indisposed but there were some teenaged girls were left in charge.  Once we arrived they immediately organized party games.  We did that musical chairs game.  We enjoyed that and could have done that for hours but the teenagers put us into a bedroom and told us they had to set up for the next party game.

I was totally oblivious to what was going on when I suddenly realized there was tension in the air.  The little girls were huddled up whispering.  It turns out they heard we were playing the egg walk game.  I'd never heard of it before but apparently you get blindfolded and are forced to walk across a floor that is littered with raw eggs.  You could step on one or more and get egg all over.  We were horrified. 

Thinking of it in hindsight, of course the game was bogus.  No one in their right mind would usher little girls through a room with raw eggs where there was potential to grind raw egg and shells into their 70s shag carpeting.

Baby looked on with worried eyes as an older girl came in with a blindfold.  Brave and outspoken Marna stood up and told the girl that her mother would be very angry with them if she got egg on her shoes.  We all looked at Marna, dressed up in a pretty frilly party frock, white tights, and shiny Mary Janes.

The girl nodded and left.  She came back with another girl, tackled Marna, and took her shoes off.  That set Marna off.  She started yelling that she wasn't going to play this stupid game. By then other little girls were starting to come unglued.  Baby started bawling and soon everyone was emotional.  At some point Marna got a hold of a telephone and called her mother, who wanted to talk to Baby's mother, who of course wasn't available.

We were told repeatedly that it was just a joke, there were no eggs, there never were any eggs.  Baby was inconsolable.  Many of the little girls were mad that such a joke had been played on them and the party broke up.

The Fine Print: Now that I've written this story I wonder if my mother ever knew this happened?  Birthday day card CASEd from this card on Mary Fish's website. Stamps and punches from Stampin' Up, twine from A Muse Studio (retired), and designer papers from my stash.

Happy Holidays!

Yesterday I opted to write a non-Christmas themed post because I think Christmas has gotten enough air time already this year.  Well, that and I couldn't think of anything holiday related to write about.  Instead I opted to write about Kerry, she of the poor decision making.

I wrote about her because she popped in my head yesterday and not just in general terms either.  I totally remember her going on and on about how awful her life was and how wonderful Brenda's was.  I found myself thinking of her and that conversation over and over and wondered why. 

Do you ever wonder why someone you haven't seen or heard from in years suddenly pops into your head?  Do you ever stop to analyze why your subconscious dredged them up? I do! I do because it is often the yucky people in my life who suddenly pop into my head and bother me all day. I want to know what brought these evil beings to light!?

Sometimes it is because that I am having such a great time I think of how so-and-so would just be green with envy.  Or how they would find some way to ruin it if they were here.  Other times it is because I just had to put up with someone who is yucky in a way that reminded me of them.

Yesterday's visit from she of the poor decision making is because very soon I will be forced to spend the day with another Negative Nelly who will bemoan her lot in life. She won't want to hear how her own actions have given her a crappy life and she sure as heck won't want to hear how even those she thinks have perfect lives may not be as happy as she thinks.

So yeah, I may have purged the real Kerry from my life, but her clones carry on.  *sigh*

The Fine Print: Of course I'm talking about a holiday get-together.  You don't think I'd hang out with old Nelly on purpose do you?  Why yes, I guess you're right.  I would do it for blog fodder.  You're onto me.  Darn.  More card stuff from Club Scrap "Wisteria" and other random stuff fro my stash.

It's all in the 'Tude

I had a friend who was once bemoaning her lot in life once.  Since Kerry made such incredibly poor decisions I was having a hard time being sympathetic.  She went on for awhile and then started idolizing another friend of ours, Brenda.

Brenda always wanted to marry her high school sweetheart (check), wanted to have two little boys (check), two years apart (check), she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom (check), she wanted to learn to sew (check), and make food from scratch (check), she wanted to take long walks with her kids (check) and play in the park with them (check), she wanted to fart rainbows (check) and have butterflies follow her every move (check).

The next time the three of us were together I asked Brenda what was dissatisfying in her life just to show Kerry that all may not be heavenly bliss.  Indeed, Brenda actually learned to sew and cook from scratch because they were dirt poor and to help fill her time, because staying at home with two youngsters day after day was excruciatingly boring.  She rarely saw her high school sweetheart husband because he worked two dead end jobs   They took long walks and played in the park because it was free and because it gave hubby some time to catch up on sleep.  It turns out she was allergic to butterflies and rainbow farts smell just as rank as the regular ones.

Brenda was in no way bemoaning her lot in life, oh no.  She wanted it known that she was just answering my question and that she knew she was blessed.  She knew it could be a lot worse and was content to be happy with what she had.  Brenda had some plans to make some improvements.  Kerry had long since tuned her out, which is too bad because she certainly could have learned a thing or two from Brenda. 

The Fine Print: I have no idea why Kerry popped into my mind today. I haven't seen or heard from her in over 20 years.  I really hope it isn't an omen that I am going to run into her soon. She took a long swan dive into the deep end of insanity. I'll bet Brenda is just kicking ass though.  Card parts from Club Scrap, except the flowers (Prima), the ribbon (from my stash), and the thank you greeting (Endless Creations).

Bring on the Brrrr!

I was shuffling around some fall themed stamps sets that are out on my desk when I suddenly realized that fall is long gone.  I think the fact that it was 33 degrees at 9:30 am helped cement that the evil Cold Season is here.  And by Cold Season I mean the season that has no bit of warmth in it; not the season that is known for illness, but now that I think of it--it's that too.  Can you believe I still can't breath without medical intervention?  Damn you, Cold Season!

The Fine Print: It had warmed up to a balmy 38 degrees an hour later.  We're having to tuck all the cactus in with comforters at night.  Stamp by Elzybells/A Muse Artstamps; snowflake die by A Muse Studio, designer papers by DCWV.

Who is Christmas for Anyway?

Remove the religious aspects of Christmas and Hanukkah for a moment--I mean, why not?  Most people have lost sight of those a long time ago--and ponder who Christmas is marketed towards these days.

That's right, it's all about buying yourself some shit.  Or anyway, that's how I read it.  My inbox is filled with emails from various craft stores and other vendors about all the sales they are having.  Do they really think my mother, brother, and husband want some of what they are selling for the holidays?  Some of these emails even blatantly state "pick up a little something for yourself."

It used to be that I'd get a couple of these emails and they'd say that they were having a sale and to point your loved ones in their direction to get you a gift you'll really love.  They at least used to try to pretend the holidays were about gift giving.  Now they send a multiple emails a week and they all are about buying yourself more shit.

Trust me, I'm pro-shit.  I love me some stuff.  However, this is the holiday season! I'm supposed to be thinking of others, not out for myself.  It just bothers me.

The Fine Print: Thank you Pet360 for remembering it is the giving season and showing me what presents my kitties would like.  At least you haven't lost sight of what the holidays are all about even if you are just cementing my crazy cat lady persona. Stamp by Inkadinkado, large scallop border die by A Muse Studio, designer papers by DCWV.

Gak!

There's nothing like hacking up great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts to get you in the holiday spirit!  Or wishing you had some holiday spirits (which make a great cough medicine, by the way).

I told you yesterday how my brain tends to go on the fritz when I'm sick.  Once upon a time I went to work even though I was feeling poorly.  I toughed it out for much of the day when I was told I should just take my germs and go, so I did.  It was a cold, grey, moist day, not fit for man nor beast.  As I was driving home it started to rain.  I fiddled with this button and that button and this knob and that knob and flipped a lever or two all in the name of getting the windshield wipers to turn on.  Somehow I just could not remember how it was done.

While I was at a red light, I flipped the magic switch and the wipers started going.  I looked up just in time to see a car identical to mine crossing the intersection.  It was a silver, two-door, Daihatsu hatchback with the same custom graphics my car had.  I found myself puzzling over where the heck I was going.  I really had to think about it before I realized that duh, that wasn't me.

Yeah, illness and I just don't mix well.

The Fine Print: Here are a couple more of those cards made with left-over strips of designer paper. Top card stamp by Penny Black and bottom card stamp by Art Impressions.  Papers by DCWV.

Well, poo.

I've been sick for the last several days. And by "last several" I mean the last 13 years of my life.  Or maybe it just feels that way.  I'm terribly impatient with illnesses. You know, all that lingering, now you feel better; just kidding now, you don't thing.  It pisses me off.  I got shit to do!

I'm not one to do nothing well and when you are sick that's really all you should be doing but I persist in trying and that probably just makes for more work later.  Like yesterday, I went to the grocery store in search of something cool and refreshing for my tortured throat.  I got sorbet along with other groceries and I left one sack of groceries at the store.  So I had to go back and get it.  I barely had the energy to go in the first place and then I had to go twice.  Did I mention I left my keys on the counter after my second trip there?  Luckily I couldn't get out of their parking lot without them.

Today I opted to wash the sheets because, ew! Those things are diseased.  Yeah, that's not working out well either. I forgot to bring the laundry soap out, then I brought the soap but not the key.  Then I set the timer wrong for the washer, losing my turn at the dryers (small laundry room).  I didn't stop there though, once I got a dryer I set the timer wrong again and walked back out there 20 minutes before things were dry.  I don't have the energy for this! Or the patience!  Pfft!

The Fine Print: Screw you, Germs!  That's an unmarked cow there, folks.  Paper by Recollections, twine by May Arts and die by Spellbinders.